The Pros and the Woes

There are some days when breastfeeding is almost too much for me.  When Lilly refuses to nurse because the milk won't let down fast enough and then she's mad when there isn't more immediately because, dammit, she would like three more ounces, thank you!  Those times, I want to quit.  I want to quit so badly and be able to go away for a weekend with my husband and not have to worry about there being enough milk left in the freezer, and not having to prepare for weeks on end, and not having to pump every three hours, and not having to worry about if there will be enough milk when I go back to work.  It's beyond frustrating.  I want to pull my hair out and throw something.  Freedom.  That's what I want. 

After that moment passes, what next?  I don't want to pay for formula.  I don't want to wake up in the middle of the night and make her a bottle when I'm half asleep (would you like some coffee in that bottle?).  I like to know that I am able to provide for her, to calm her down when she's hurt.  I'm also fond of her being partial to me over her father, even if it is because she likes my boobs. 

At the end of the day, the pros outweigh all of my woes.  Not everything can be perfect, and by this point, I am pretty sure that nothing will ever be exactly as it should.  What's the fun in that?  I only have three more months of breastfeeding.  Then I'm done.  Forever!  Unless we get a surprise, which seems to be the running mantra of our lives.  Somebody knock on some wood.