My Etsy

For those of you out there that are unaware of the crafty side of the world, there is a website called ETSY.  Etsy is a terrific place to sell or buy handmade or vintage items.  If you have something unique to share to the world, put it on etsy.  They have nearly everything crafty and old.  Some of the people are frickin' creative.  Someone recently told me about a sperm necklace that they found on there...different, but creative.  Can't find what you're looking for?  You can post a listing on Alchemy and people will bid on your listing to make it for you.  Most of the shops, like mine, do lots of custom work.  You want pink minky instead of orange to go with that ivory satin?  Done.  Lime green with black?  Giraffe and Zebra?  Done, Done, Done.

Anyway, I started a shop on etsy called SewChem.  I can pretty much make anything that involves some type of needle and thread.  Note: I also knit.  I know!  Watch out, World! 

Let me start off by being honest with you. I am not a professional seamstress.  I love making things and spending time on doing this.  If no money is to be made in this shop, I could care less.  I LOVE sewing.  I want to make people happy and I want people to see that behind my uber nerdy persona, my lab coat, and safety glasses, I have a fun-flowing creative streak that makes me the happiest person in the world. 

How did this all start?  Let me explain...

My mom was a 4-H agent for agriculture.  We live in Kentucky, people.  We like agriculture.  It's what we do.  Right, so in 4-H, you learn to do everything.  Farm, raise sheep (we did), sew, draw, paint, cook...typical day to day stuff that was awesome.  If there was a workshop being held, you better believe I was there doing it.  Mom was super supportive of us.  Especially when it came to sewing. 

Momma told me about a new workshop that her office was holding about sewing clothes. During this workshop, they would, of course, promote other workshops, summer camps, etc.  But near the end of the hour, they said something about 'fashion show' and 'limousine'.  What?! My little ears were at full attention.  A limo?  Hell, yeah!  After listening in rapture, I found out that I would have to sew three ensembles of clothing for myself and  model them.  We would compete in a district, county and then state competition depending on how well we did at the previous show. And we would get to ride in a limo to the state competition!


After about a week, with the huge help of my mom, we had everything done.  The first piece was a mid-calf dress, A-line, broad tank top style.  It zipped up the back (my first zipper experience!) and the fabric...oh my GAWD!  Let my 4th grade words explain this to you (exactly as I wrote them down and had them announced as I pranced up and down the runway):

"Megan's first piece is a long dress without sleeves. She chose a light cotton fabric.  She describes the color as a purple lightning storm with flecks of blue...a storm across her body."

Seriously? I fucking wrote that. Hilarious!

My next piece was even better.  It was a shorts and halter top outfit with matching head band.  The shorts were elastic waist.  The shirt (gorgeous!) tied twice in the back.  Imagine two sideways letters V's (kinda like this <>) with the touching pieces tied together.  My back was exposed and I felt like the sexiest fourth grader on the planet.  The fabric, another weird choice by my young self, was a tan background littered with pictures of needles, bobbins, thread, and other assorted sewing things. 

My last outfit was pretty normal.  It was pink shorts, a white shirt and a pink vest with a matching head band.  The buttons were pretty cool (green and yellow and blue) on the vest and my mom bought me some special pink shoes to match everything.  My sisters wore that outfit after I grew out of it.  (My youngest sister would be wearing it now, too, if she wasn't a size 16*.)

I was in my height of glory walking the catwalk.  I won first place (against teenagers, people!) and went on to the district competition, where I got second place.  First and second place went to state!  I still got to ride in a fucking limo!  Awesome!

Before the state competition, we had Glamour Shots taken in all of our outfits.  They fed us McDonalds and then rode us in the limo to the competition.  I stuck my head out of the roof over the Ohio River.  I got yelled at, but I was the youngest person there, so I didn't get in too much trouble.  (Suckers!)

Again, I pranced around and did my walking, but by now, the excitement was over.  I got my limo ride and I was happy. I got an honorable mention, and my mom was beyond proud.  She still is.  She keeps those Glamour Shots of me on her sewing table and we love to talk about those outfits. 

Obviously, I'm still riding that high from my first sewing experience. My more recent experiences with sewing have never been detrimental enough to keep me from trudging on.  I sincerely enjoy sewing, the goods and the bads.  Although that whole poking-the-shit-out-of-my-fingers-with-a-needle thing does suck.

If only I could like my kids that much.

Just kidding! Etsy Shop HERE!


*Side note: I do not hate heavy people.  I've been there. I understand.  I'm just saying that she's TEN YEARS OLD and she can't fit in my maternity clothes.  She's the sweetest and smartest girl ever, but she can't fit in my maternity clothes.  Did I say she can't fit in my maternity clothes? 'Cause she can't.

Super Nerds

I have to admit that I am a nerd.  I like to talk about compositions and orientations of fatty acids.  I have a favorite solvent.  I wear a lab coat and safety goggles when I cook (that's chemistry, too, doncha know).  However, I am not even close to a super nerd and I can prove this because you cannot see my socks when I walk. 

In the beginning of November, I attended a scanning electron microscope workshop dealing with mainly trace analysis and x-ray analysis and the National Institute of Standards and Technology.  Very interesting, very cool, but usually boring to outsiders.  (Even my science teacher mother spaced out, although this is usually a normal occurence for my ADD mom.)  I am not kidding and I shit you not, when I say that, out of the 55 people in the room, I was one of only eight women, definitely the only woman under the age of 40, and probably the only one that did not 'ooh' and 'ahh' over the awesome new idea for an EDS analyzer.  Fuck, I wasn't even sure what the hell EDS was. 

Anyway, we had to break for lunch because all of the super nerds' brains needed nourishment.  While walking down the hallway, I noticed one very distinct thing - white ankle socks.  They were everywhere! 
These crazy nerds were wearing Urkel pants! 

BWAHAHAHAHAHA!

During lunch, I came to another, more mathematically centered conclusion:  A person's IQ is exponentially correlative to how much ankle is visible.  My ankles are never visible (and not just because I am short and cannot find pants that don't need to be hemmed at least two inches) so therefore, my IQ is not that high.

It was awesome. Epic.  Hilarious.  Who can concentrate on something so important as an EDS or SEM when you can create a mathematical equation to relate nerdiness to physical appearances?

Buy my blankets so I can take a nice vacation!

I've had this idea in the back of my head for a few months.  It started like a little kernel and then my brain was a microwave and popped it up to the front lobes last week. 

"Megan! Look at me!  Embrace me, love me, eat me!"

And now I am. 

After much planning about prices, items, shipping and materials, I have decided to open my own little internet shop.  On etsy.com. 

My shop will be called SewChem. (I'm a chemist, people. I am not that creative verbally. Let's talk about some fatty acids and hydrocarbons and then I'll get wordy.)

My items?  Minky satin blankets, diaper pouches, knitted slippers, and unique purses.  The purses will range from cute diaper bag removable ones to cute and spunky pleated ones.  I will also try to make placemat purses and totes, but I will see how those go.  Who knows?

So...why in the world would I want to do this? Why, when I have a full-time job, laundry, a stupid house, two cute little kids, and a mildly lazy husband? 

Because I love it.  I absolutely love doing this.  I have never been happier when I am making these items.  Seam ripping crappy stitches? Love it.  Cutting fabric and measuring? Love it.  Witnessing an idea in my head come to life? LOVE IT!  My husband definitely  loves this because one, we're making some extra money, and two, I'm happier.  Happy wife = happy husband!  Win, win, win!

As soon as I finish the pieces, set up the shop, and get going, it will be awesome!

Aaagh! I want to take a week vacation to sew everything. Pictures. Remind me about pictures.

Funny Picture

Sometimes, my zipper has boners. 

Secrets and the Whores that Tell Them

I prefer not to tell anyone my secrets.  Whenever I do, it just so happens that that particular secret leaks out to the world.  Maybe it's the people that I choose to tell.  Maybe what I tell them is just so juicy that it cannot be kept inside and the world must know of the evils that I have done! Meh.  Not so much on that part.

To preface my frustration and my anger, I must tell you this little diddy.  My youngest "full-blooded" sister (let us call her B) is a skanky ho.  She lost her virginity last year to an ex and has slept with at least two other guys (that I know of).  That part only makes her a slight ho.  How did she make the descent to skanky ho?  By breaking a 'sister secret' to further her own agenda. 

Definition of a sister secret:  I have three younger sisters. The real youngest is my half sister and is too young to yet be included in the sister secret circle. Eventually, when she starts her period or something, we'll include her.  So, the other two sisters and I have made a pact that when we need to get something off of our shoulders, we can tell each other without fear that that piece of information will be shared with anyone else.  ANYONE.  Spouses, mother, father, etc.

B seems to think that this rule no longer applies to her.  I told her a sister secret, one that never should have left me lips, but seemed to roll effortlesslly off of hers.
No, I did not cheat on my husband. I never will, nor could I. 

Anyway, when she came under fire for sneaking out of the house to meet her boyfriend, she told the sister secret.  "Megan snuck out of our old house to meet her boyfriend and Sarah slept with, like, four guys in high school!"

What.  the.  Fuck. 

She was trying to justify her own stupid behavior with our stupid behavior!  Let me know if I'm not making sense, or if she was right in justifying herself in this manner.  However, I cannot.  I told her that secret in confidence, when she needed advice.  Yes, I was borderline retarded for confiding this in her.  She's not a good secret keeper.  She sucks.  She's a bitch.  And I hate that she thinks of only herself when she comes under fire. 

I'm going to punch her in the taco and then give her a shirt that says "Shut your whore mouth", c/o Aunt Becky.

I need a GPS for my BLOG

I obviously don't have a direction for my blog.  My purpose is to write whatever the hell I am feeling at the moment.  Getting lots of comments and becoming a blog of note is not something that I am aiming for.  I just want to write. 

I want to write about work.  My passion for chemistry and working with all neat-o instruments and having the ability to talk with people about that without sounding like a high almighty know it all is unique.  Want to know about chemistry? Want to know how long it really takes for all the analyses on CSI?  Yeah, talk to me.  I'll let you know.

I want to write about breastfeeding.  I'm still not sure if my son was just a horrible breastfeeder (or some hungry monster that didn't care about proper latch, but just wanted his god damn milk) or I was so freakin' inexperienced or maybe just a combination of the two.  Either way, we worked it out, and now, I could be a breastfeeding pro.  My wealth of knowledge about breastpumps and finicky eaters is vast.  Ask me.  I know pretty much all there is to know about booby milk.  And I'm not afraid to tell people about it.  Hell, I did an independent project during college to analyze the sugar content of my breastmilk.  My lab partner was totally awesome about it and he even did his seminar about it! Love that guy!  My husband totally enjoys this breastfeeding thing for many reasons.  Top ones: 1) He gets to see my boobs at least three times a day; 2)My boobs are huge compared to when we started dating; 3)He doesn't have to wake up in the middle of the night to feed the baby. 

Maybe I'll talk about how my husband and I have opened up to each other in the past few weeks.  We are a completely happier couple because of my invisible vixen friend.  Go see her.  Love her. 

As for my birthday list, I did already do something.  I planned a girls' night out for my girlfriends and me.  Should be awesome.  Margaritas, baby.  Bring on the tequila! 

Birthday

Tomorrow is my birthday. As a side note, it is also my father's birthday. And Pearl Harbor Day.  But, most importantly, it's my birthday. 

I won't be that old.  But I feel like I'm old.  Who wouldn't when the only thing in your household that is older than you is the house? No, nothing special planned.  I am taking a vacation day (without the kids....whoa....) and plan on cleaning my house.  I know.  Boring.

The gift that I may give myself is a list of accomplishments that I'd like to achieve.  Not unlike a New Year's Resolution list, but this has nothing to do with losing weight or stopping some bad habit.  I merely want to be comfortable with who I am.  I want to make more friends and have a girls' night out.  I'd like to know what it feels like to be reckless with a small amount of caution.  I want to be comfortable in my own body.  I want to be passionate about my husband and with my husband.  I want to be sexy, like, inner vixen sexy.  (note to self: need more black lace underwear) I want to work harder at my work and I want to focus on my children when I'm home.  I'd like to never have to mix the two.


A proper list will be added later, but for now, that's good enough.

I also want to learn how to take 2 minute showers so I don't have to wake up so damn early in the morning.